About. Read & Enjoy!
Posted Sep 6, 2009. Filed under . 2 comments.
Welcome to angrydrunkmom.com. I’m Jimmy, also known as asshole, motherfucker, you piece of shit, and a whole bunch of other choice terms of endearment from my mom. Knowing that I someday would have to work all this out with a psychiatrist, I thought this might be a way to save me a few bucks down the road and keep me off of a rooftop with a high powered gun, or seeing if I can breath out of the back of my head. Everything you read, or listen to here is real. (Other than the rooftop and blowing my head off thing) This is all crap that I’ve had to deal with throughout my life …think about that next time you say you hate your mom…. you can’t make this shit up…. Enjoy. Jimmy
Ok, so that some of this makes more sense, I’ll explain who a few of the main characters are… you’re going to need this if you listen to the messages left on my answering machine so pay attention …there may be a test:) Here we go…
Mom, mother, I’m drunk, yes I am —-My mother
Jim, Jimmy, Jimbo, son —-Me
Russ, Russell, or inmate 877562A(currently doing a stint in the San Diego jail) —my brother Russ
Bud or Buddy —this is my mother’s dog that gets a surprisingly large amount of time on the phone
Ray —the neighbor
Shirley—the neighbor/landlord
Motherfucker, asshole, you pieces of shit, and sorry bunch of motherfuckers —this is usually pertaining to me, or my brother. I receive most of the abuse, because I am the only one who has a job, and an IQ over room temperature. But, it can be any, or all of the above. With the exception of Buddy the dog, which I have never heard anything bad about, other than I hear he has fleas.
As you might have guessed, my mother is accustomed to drinking her breakfast, lunch, and dinner. This has made life interesting for me, and the members of my family. I am using this site to share some of many experiences over the years. While most would think I am doing this to get back at my mother for the years of hell, or to help some poor child of an alcoholic… while I hope it does…I just think it is fucking hysterical!
my thoughts
Posted Apr 21, 2009. Filed under my thoughts. 1 comment.
These are just my thoughts on current events …mixed with my undying charm ,cynicism, and wit. Feel free to agree or disagree or challenge my non filtered way of thinking……Enjoy.
Jimmy
4.12.09 -
What the fucks up with the entire pirate shit going on nowadays? Im sure youve heard the story but here it is in a nutshell…Capt. Phillips and his boat was taken hostage by some pirates. Soon they found themselves afloat in the Indian Ocean off the Horn of Africa in a little lifeboat, tied to an American ship, and running out of food, and water.
The pirates demand $2 million and their own release in exchange for the captain’s life…In comes the U.S. destroyer Bainbridge with three U.S. Navy Seals snipers. Not looking good for pirates …two of them poke their heads out of the rear hatch of the lifeboat, giving the snipers a woody and a clear shot. The third could be seen fucking with the bound captain with a AK-47. Bang.. bang.. bang…splat… pop… splat…We win.:)
So what do we learn from this?
First…take over a French boat… I hear they’re pussies
Second…S.E.A.L.S are bad motherfuckers …plus this is what they do for a living
Last….bring better guns. Three AK-47s. V.S three snipers,with 50 caliber rifles and night-vision scopes… Well…you do the math
3.27.08 -Calories count when losing weight
No fucking shit. How many millions of dollars were spent on this turd?. Im sure the money spent on this couldnt have been spent any better. (like say,feeding the hungry) Im sure its a consolation to the people that are currently, right now, as we speak, shaking the crumbs out of the toaster so they dont have to absorb their own stomach lining ,that they are safe from getting fat. Why you ask, because,—-> here it comes—-> Wait for it —-> Eat less=lose weight . No shit.
Thank you New England Journal of Medicine
Assholes
3.25.09 —American International Group ,(AIG)………Fuck those greedy, bonus taking,bailout motherfuckers…………………..end of thought.
10 reasons why your mom is better than mine
Posted Mar 14, 2009. Filed under my thoughts. 2 comments.
10.You have never seen your mom naked… i have…. more than once……made me go blind for 6 hrs …… I’m fucked up for life 
9.Your mom only calls you at 3:00 AM if she has something very important to say, not just because ” this is when I’m up”
8.The fire department has never been to your house because your mom was cooking bacon and eggs for breakfast on the stove , realizes shes out of liquor, has to walk to the liquor store because she doesn’t have a license (no shock there), than after finding out liquor stores don’t open till 10:00 am, stumble down to the Circle K , settle for a 12 pack of bush beer and two packs of basic light cigarettes, ask the clerk,” Hindu Apu” for a light ,and start the long walk home,…… all the while… the bacon and eggs are on fire on the stove…….my clothes smelled like shit for a month.
7.You’ve never been woke up at 4:00 am with your mom screaming for you to help ..”Get these mother fuckers out of my house Jimmy ” after she invites everyone to come over for breakfast after the bar closes, dozes off and they freaks out because all these strange old people are there……this was never fun…….well once it was … 4:00am drunks don’t fight well
6.You’ve never seen your 108 lb mom take out a 230 lb man with a bar glass because he was …”fuckin “… with her. ( a proud moment ill cherish)
5.You’ve never been sent to the school nurse because you were blue with a temperature of 94 degrees Fahrenheit after telling your mom “she couldn’t have all these drunks here because you needed to get some sleep” and she locked you out of the house in the middle of January in New Jersey in sweats and a t-shirt.
4.Your mom has never taken you and your family ,as you stopped by for a visit while you were on vacation in Daytona , to the sponge docks in Tarpon Springs Florida , then told everyone that “when we go in i pretend I’m a deaf mute so they will give me better deals“( its like a haggle shop) and have to deal with her pretending she cant hear or talk the whole time.( this was fun explaining this to my kids) …even more fun was…when we went to get something to eat and the waitress asked what she wanted to drink, my mom did the thumb up/ pinky down back and forth movement….water ?( head shake) Pepsi ?( head shake) coffee ? .( head shake) ……frustrated by the waitress not knowing what she meant….my mom whispers….( Deaf mutes cant hear or talk but CAN apparently whisper beer if frustrated enough)… Beeeeeerrr…… …. to top off an awesome dinner after we were done the waitress came over and asked “was everything good?..and then… i shit you not…. my mom…the “deaf mute”…who 30 minuets ago couldn’t order a drink ..Looks the waitress straight in the eye, and says…”yes it was delicious..we come here every time we come to the sponge docks” —meal… $ 75—3 beers…. $12—funny looking hat my mom was wearing because it was hotter than hell out…. $5…….look on the waitresses face when my mom the “deaf mute spoke…….PRICELESS!!!…. some things money cant buy :)………. poor waitress…. gave her a good tip
3.While on vacation (different year) id bet your mom has never taken you and your family along with “some of her friends” to an expensive steak restaurant only to have “Count Drunkula” ( mom) try to pay for the $300 meal with a food stamp debt card . The waitress said the card was declined……. Go figure
2.One night in 93 i think,..ill have to ask the wife….. my mom and husband # 3 (been 5) were fighting while i was trying to relax with my soon to be wife. We left the living room to goto my room and Ron(husband #3) was trying to force my mom ,who said she wanted a divorce, to say she loved him by putting a steak knife to her throat. This went on for some time.My soon to be wife was getting scared because he kept yelling he was going to kill her so she wanted me to go and see what was going on. Having been no stranger to crazy …..i went out to find #3 still holding the knife to my moms throat while the whole time my mom is screaming “you wont do it you fucking pussy” . With a look of terror in my girlfriends eyes i pulled out the kitchen chair to sit and watch. i told her “don’t worry… he wont do it” The yelling back and forth between mom and #3 went on .. “i hate you… say you love me….fuck you…say you love me… fuck you pussy….. bla.. bla ..bla…bla..” This was getting old…. So i told Ron..” Come on man …do it already or let her go…..Ive got a girl here man” Mom agreed and told him he was a pussy again. In one final attempt to get mom to say he loved him he pressed the knife so hard against her throat that there was blood drops comming from the serrated knife. My mom then turned ….looked him in the eyes …then spit in his face. With spit running down his face and a look of ” this bitch is nuts” he let her go……moms got balls of a steel… not real bright though:)
1. So here we are,… the # 1 reason. This one was hard …….i have tons….. but wanted to narrow it down to just 10. OK… here we go….The number one reason that your mom is better than mine…….is….. she stole Melinda’s Tic Tacs! ( Melinda is my sister in law /webmaster of this site) When she was 3 . My mom came in shit faced (Check my heart )and wife to be and i were watching her sister( melinda). A.D.M. (mom) slumbers over to her… snatches the candy from her hand …… and as she begins to cry ,,looks at my wife and myself and says ” Shes got to know what its like to have someone take something away from her ” … turns it up… and slams it like its orange flavored Jim Beam. [not to worry] Melinda…who still tears up when ever she sees a box of orange flavored Tic Tacs , turned out just fine…. As for me……….tic tacs never make me cry…but orange ones do ROCK!
Jimmy
